20 Ways to Lead Your Husband
I do get it — we men aren’t easy to lead. You may have tried to lead your husband and be a leader in your home, and you’ve been told you…
I do get it — we men aren’t easy to lead. You may have tried to lead your husband and be a leader in your home, and you’ve been told you aren’t doing it right, or you’re not leading well or how he thinks you should be leading, or maybe you’ve been told you’re leading too well (as in “back off lady, you’re all up in my territory.”)
I get it. I totally get it. We aren’t easy to lead; sometimes, husbands can be downright frustrating. And I can say that because I’m uh, ahem, one of them. (You and my wife should talk sometime — then again, maybe not.)
But here’s what I have learned over the last few years. When my wife makes the effort to genuinely lead our family and me, modeling love, I don’t push away. When my wife leads me in love, I respond in love.
So, please give this whole leader of your marriage and family thing another try. And if you need some ideas on how to get started (in no particular order) — please keep reading.
20 Ways to Lead Your Husband
1. Make the big decisions. This doesn’t mean you’re on your own to decide what car to buy or whether to take the job on the other side of the country. Your husband has a lot of wisdom and intuition you should take advantage of. But don’t leave the big decisions to your husband to make. If he’s stressing over a financial question or what’s best for the kids, be confident and make the decision for both of you. Let him know it will be ok whatever the outcome.
2. Make a decision. You may be a great delegator. But when you delegate everything to your husband to decide, you’re not leading. You’re dumping. So help decide small things too. Like an answer to the timeless question, “what’s for dinner?” Or what to do with the kids while you are both out of town. He will love you for it.
3. Pray for him. Let him know you’re praying for him.
4. Look out for his health. Make sure he takes care of himself the same way he takes care of the rest of your family.
5. Ask him how his day is going. Send him a text or give him a quick call while you’re away at work. Let him know you care.
6. Listen to what he says. When you hear what he says and maybe even ask about it later, it tells him you care. And he’s much more willing to follow the lead of someone he knows who cares.
7. Listen to what he doesn’t say. I know. This one’s a little harder. But just as important. He speaks thousands of fewer words than you do each day — we do. Our deep insecurities, our worries, our fears.
8. Notice when he’s made too many time commitments and say so. It’s hard for us to say no sometimes. Help us. (Yes, this one’s tough, and we may not listen at first, but say something.)
9. Notice when he’s lonely and encourage him. Your husband, believe it or not, needs other people for friends and encouragement. While taking care of his family and you is something I’m sure he enjoys doing most of the time — he will enjoy doing it more when he has other people to talk to and bounce life off of them. So… if your husband is avoiding events at church or after work or with his normal group of friends and he blames it on being too busy at home — tell him those things will wait, and encourage him to get out and get some man time. It will probably be the recharge that he needs.
10. Don’t tell him he must follow (or submit) to you. Good leaders don’t have to enforce their leadership. And submission towards a woman from a husband is a voluntary act. So don’t give him any reason why he wouldn’t want to.
11. Notice the things he does for your family. Tell him how much you appreciate them.
12. Initiate more, settle less. I think many times, husbands jump into the leadership role in a home because they notice that their wives refuse to or are reluctant to. So don’t wait for him to suggest how to solve a problem, whether it’s paying a bill or disciplining one of your kids. You take charge of what needs to be done.
13. See your role as a woman as a calling. Just as men blossom when they see their purpose as a husband or dads, women can excel when they first understand they’ve been called to lead their husbands and families.
14. Pursue your own spiritual relationship first. If spirituality isn’t first in your life, it will be harder for you to make the right choices and decisions for your family, and it will be even more challenging for your husband to follow you.
15. Be the first to say you’re sorry. If you have an argument with your huband, don’t wait for him to be the first to apologize. You initiate the conversation. By doing so, you’re leading your marriage and your family.
16. Learn how to lead from other women. Observe how they lead their husbands and families, and ask them how they do it.
17. Give him time to himself. Take the kids out for a Saturday morning outing, even if it’s to the grocery store, and give him some time to do whatever he wants — the only condition is it can’t have anything to do with chores.
18. Look out for his mental health by running a bubble bath for him once in a while. Remind him of the importance of finding downtime.
19. Be the one who disciplines your kids. Don’t leave all of the childrearing up to your husband. Take an active role in your children’s lives, including teaching them right from wrong.
20. Find little ways to let him know you’re there for him. When she’s home, my wife makes a point always to pack me up when I travel. It’s something she’s very good at, and it makes me feel good knowing she’s looking out for me.
**If this all sounds a little odd, this was adapted from a Christian values blog about husbands leading their wives and their family. When turned around, some of the ideas sound downright silly. What do you think?
Originally published at https://loveherlead.com on February 9, 2023.