Ladies Take Charge: Boosting Your Sexual Confidence
Sexual confidence is rooted in one essential aspect — taking control. When you are in control, confidence naturally follows. However…
Sexual confidence is rooted in one essential aspect — taking control. When you are in control, confidence naturally follows. However, feeling worthy of taking control is a different matter altogether. Let’s begin by discussing the significance of sexual confidence and why it matters. Contrary to popular belief, sexual confidence doesn’t stem from being “good in bed” or possessing a flawless physique. It is about feeling comfortable and accepting of your body, regardless of shape or size. It involves believing that you deserve sexual attention and having the ability to communicate your desires to your partner effectively.
As women, we wield considerable influence when it comes to sex. The concept of what is considered sexy predominantly revolves around the female body. Consequently, society’s relentless pressure to attain the elusive “perfect body” often burdens us. This places us at a higher risk of experiencing body dysmorphia and other psychological strains as we try to meet these perceived expectations.
My own sexual confidence developed when I allowed myself to engage in a purely physical relationship with someone I didn’t have an emotional connection with. While he possessed an attractive physique, we didn’t share many common interests. While I enjoyed admiring his well-sculpted body, he wasn’t much of a conversationalist, except regarding topics like the latest diet trends or workouts. Was I using him for his body? Yes. Does that bother me? No. It’s about believing that you deserve pleasure and setting clear expectations regarding your sexual needs. Misaligned expectations about sex often lead to feelings of inadequacy or guilt in terms of our own sexuality.
Remember, as women, we hold the power regarding sex. Whether in a relationship or outside of one, we have the ability to control the sexual dynamics. Within a relationship, this extends to controlling the allocation of sexual pleasure and orgasms for both partners. If you are familiar with this website or follow discussions on women-led relationships, you understand that hormonal changes within his body can draw him closer or create emotional distance. When he is emotionally connected to you, you naturally feel more secure and sexually confident. On the other hand, when there is emotional distance, it is natural to question the relationship and your own sexual worth.
One important aspect is separating sex from orgasm for him. This may not come naturally to most men, but it can positively shift their focus. When men are solely fixated on achieving orgasm, they find it challenging to fully engage in the journey leading up to it. My partner knows to stop when he is close to orgasm and redirect his attention to pleasuring me in other ways. When the action pauses, and I feel him caressing my body, I recognize his sacrifice. I appreciate each effort as a sign of his love and commitment to our relationship.
In the context of a woman-led relationship, I strongly suggest considering the use of a chastity cage as a tool to strengthen the bond with your partner. The cage allows you to control and schedule his sexual pleasure according to your comfort level. It’s important to note that this approach varies with each individual, and it is crucial to establish open communication and understanding. As a general guideline, I believe most men should not ejaculate more than once per week. However, many men currently ejaculate at least five times per week, some even multiple times daily. Encourage him to track it, and you may be surprised and gain insight into your relationship's emotional connection and communication challenges. Inform him when the chastity cage goes on and when it comes off; it can become an integral part of your day-to-day interactions.
Another powerful way to boost your sexual confidence is through pegging. For those unfamiliar, pegging involves wearing a strap-on dildo and anally penetrating your partner. This activity requires a high degree of communication, intimacy, and connection, but a committed partner will be open to trying it. The act of reversing the roles of penetration makes me feel empowered and incredibly confident. I believe that for women, sexuality is often more cerebral than physical. While I can’t speak from personal experience as a man, dominating him during pegging provides me with an intensely powerful sexual experience unlike any other. Starting slowly, he may feel hesitant and nervous. Your soothing voice guiding him to breathe and relax as you gently penetrate him, feeling his body subtly respond to each movement. Your reassurance helps him relax as you continue the motion. As he becomes more comfortable, grasp his hips and pull him closer to you. Encourage him to arch his back and meet your movements as his body embraces the experience. Encourage meaningful communication beyond mere grunts and moans. Ask open-ended questions that elicit more than a simple “yes” or “no” response, and don’t settle for half-hearted answers. Always stop before he requests it, leaving him longing for more. Remember, you are in complete control; you determine when the action starts and when it concludes.
Sexual self-confidence ultimately comes from within, but there are ways to enhance it, whether through casual encounters or committed relationships. It’s essential to recognize that a significant portion of sexual self-confidence arises from the excitement and novelty of new experiences. Consider that these feelings of freshness can be addictive and can serve as a wonderful way to invigorate your sexual self. It warrants serious consideration if you are contemplating consensual non-monogamy in your relationship. While it may not suit everyone, open and honest communication is crucial. Expecting one person to fulfill every aspect of our happiness is unrealistic. Our emotions and social structures are more complex than that. Engage in open conversations with your partner and allow yourself to explore new experiences with someone else. Do you remember the exhilaration of being infatuated? Do you recall eagerly anticipating a text or call from that special person? These emotions can be present within the confines of a committed relationship. From personal experience, I know that polyamory, or having multiple loving connections, is possible. While society often disapproves of this, it is naive to expect one person to fulfill all our needs. Imposing artificial limitations on our sexual identities stifles our sexual energy. Embrace some of the ideas mentioned in this article to reignite the spark within yourself and liberate your sexual side from guilt.